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Mezzo level
Jun. 1st, 2022 01:32 pmI'm working from home today, mostly troubleshooting and revising code. It's slow going-- engaging for about 25 minutes at a time, then I poke my head up and start feeling antsy. I tried taking a "real" lunch break and read out on the back stoop until the sun started cooking the bare skin on my thighs. Now I'm back to my desk, trying to get back into the swing of things, old rockabilly playing on the community radio station, thinking about how I'm finally starting to get a sense of this city-- this part of the country, more generally. South by Southwest meets the Mississippi Delta.
I have a social outing coming up next week that feels something like a blind date crossed with a platonic missed-connections hook up: A young woman I met through a clothes swap through a Buy Nothing group asked me to hang out. She'd passed on a bunch of hiking and running clothes, band t-shirts, summer tops, etc., and I sent her a follow up message to say thanks & we wound up chatting, sharing a bit about how we've both lost a brother this past year and have been running to find a healthier way to cope with grief, how hard it is to make new friends as an adult-- especially with social anxiety. She reminds me a lot of my friends from back home; I'm not sure what her read on me is yet, but I think we have a lot in common and hope we'll enjoy sharing company. I think we're going to go climbing next week.
It's odd-- as an adult, I haven't had much trouble getting along with people, sharing pleasant exchanges, etc., but friendships have always been either difficult or effortless (and rare). I feel like I usually brace myself for rejection, and likely worsen outcomes because of it-- though there have been enough false starts and uncomfortable steps backwards even recently in friendships that my persisting caution isn't entirely unwarranted. I guess this is all to say that I would love for this to work out & I'm nearly as apprehensive as I am excited.
I have a social outing coming up next week that feels something like a blind date crossed with a platonic missed-connections hook up: A young woman I met through a clothes swap through a Buy Nothing group asked me to hang out. She'd passed on a bunch of hiking and running clothes, band t-shirts, summer tops, etc., and I sent her a follow up message to say thanks & we wound up chatting, sharing a bit about how we've both lost a brother this past year and have been running to find a healthier way to cope with grief, how hard it is to make new friends as an adult-- especially with social anxiety. She reminds me a lot of my friends from back home; I'm not sure what her read on me is yet, but I think we have a lot in common and hope we'll enjoy sharing company. I think we're going to go climbing next week.
It's odd-- as an adult, I haven't had much trouble getting along with people, sharing pleasant exchanges, etc., but friendships have always been either difficult or effortless (and rare). I feel like I usually brace myself for rejection, and likely worsen outcomes because of it-- though there have been enough false starts and uncomfortable steps backwards even recently in friendships that my persisting caution isn't entirely unwarranted. I guess this is all to say that I would love for this to work out & I'm nearly as apprehensive as I am excited.
